-
I don’t think I’ve learned much at times
The last few weeks have been hard. No matter how much you think you are prepared for an inevitable event, you still find that you are never fully prepared for the grief of the loss of a loved one. A bit over 3 weeks ago, my wife’s Mother passed away after a long illness. <font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”>While we knew that one day she wouldn’t rebound from one of her many spells, it came suddenly and without drama or warning. I was away racing my motorcycle that morning so my wife was without my presence and that left me in a bad place within myself. Fortunately, her sister came up the day before (unannounced) and she visited with her late that evening; my wife had been there in the afternoon. A call in </font>the<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”> morning to the hospital revealed that Mom was doing fine, vitals were stable and her breathing while somewhat labored was better than the previous day. Half an hour later before the two of them were ready to go in and visit, the phone rang and she had passed quietly not long after the nurses’ rounds. I got the news via voicemail after my race day was ended. But true to her way, when I called late afternoon with still one day left to race, she told me not to change plans, they had done all they could for the time being and to finish my weekend.</font>
<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”>But years before, I had made a mistake. I promised to make a recording for my parents (now deceased as well, years before) of some songs I liked to sing. They hadn’t heard me sing since I was very young. Sadly they both passed before that came to be.
Fast forward 12 years to present day.</font>
<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”>When we </font>realized Yvonne wasn’t ever getting out of the hospital, I decided that one day soon I would take my guitar into the hospital<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”> and do a couple of her favorite songs that I knew. I had planned on the week after my first racetrack weekend. Obviously that would never happen now. My wife graciously told me that it wasn’t something I could have controlled or foreseen, but it left a hole in my heart that I can never fill. </font>
<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”>So this past Sunday morning, two days after </font>the<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”> Celebration of Yvonne’s life, I took my 12 string guitar out on </font>the<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”> deck, my tablet and a speaker for backing tracks, and I played and sang for about an hour… every song I knew that she would know and like. When I finished, I came in </font>the<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”> house to see my wife sitting in the chair by the patio door with tears in her eyes. “It’s OK, she heard you.” was all she said.
Never pass up an opportunity to do something that you might never have the chance to do again. Especially for someone you care for.
Rest well my dear
</font><font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”>
</font>
-
9 Replies
-
sorry for your loss but no truer words said
-
Thanks Sara. It’s always the things we don’t do/get done that we regret later.
-
-
Hi Daryl
I’m so sorry for your loss, my condolences. I missed this post, sorry for the late reply also. Having both my parents in care homes, I know how things can change on a dime.
Your wife is right, your mother in law heard every beautiful note and word you sang. Things done out of love have a mysterious way of getting through.
-
Thank you my friend. If life were perfect, we’d have no need for hindsight would we?
-
-
So sorry for your loss, Daryl. Your words are very inspirational. Such a beautiful closing to a sad story. We have been through some loss here these past couple of years. These times remind me of how quick time is going by. Sounds like you had a wonderful audience that night. God bless you, JP
-
Thank you JP, I appreciate it.
This past Saturday (Canada Day) we went out to some friends’ place for the afternoon and evening for some outdoor games (beanbag toss), a BBQ meal, and some general companionship. Small gathering, only 10 of us, but we had a great day…the sun even shone on our game (very stormy for the previous days and to follow afterward too). Our hosts used to run a DJ/karaoke business and they have quite a set-up in their party house (that’s a whole other story) and of course they insisted I bring a guitar. Naturally after dinner we had to have music so I played and everybody sang as well as some songs that I didn’t know out of their DJ song files. Everybody had a blast including me. Everyone had heard me sing many times, no one other than my missus had ever heard me play so I was a tad on edge to start with. We plugged my guitar into Wade’s soundboard and it went very well, I think I actually had more fun than they did haha.
-
-
My Belated Condolences to you and family Daryl…this reminded me of what I thankfully thought to do before my late Mom had passed in 1995 …
When after graduating from Highschool 1988, and began my career that summer/fall as a HSW ( also a Companion Sitter with Elderly ), I had to take some college training module courses in relation to my career orientation…. fast forward…. one of the assignments was to show how a senior/elderly person after stroke can maintain a function not damaged from post stroke….for my Mom, her ability to still hum in tune or sing in gibberish from stroke as her ability to speak was much damaged because of brain damage from stroke, leaving her to live out last 10 yrs of life in a LTC hospital, anyhow, I asked if she could hum-sing the Star Spangled Banner/ , to which she hummed the tune while I kinda sang along and recorded it on tape ( mini-tape cassette recorder I had at the time ) and thus have still somewheres stored, that mini tape, sadly not the recorder i don’t have but that tape, I kept.
Prior to stroke, she would always sing around the house, listening to radio, TV, cassette tapes, records, or just singing her fave songs while doing something in kitchen , etc… she could of sung professionally in my opinion, often told her that…. so I’m happy that her singing capacity though now was limited, was still in tact in a different way, she enjoyed humming in perfect tune to the Jeopardy theme song when the timer was on for the contestants to write their replies down , what she heard on tv/radio in room she shared with someone else, at the social/Xmas sing song gatherings held on her floor where folks would come in to perform singing, she’d be humming the loudest of all of the patients, even in hersinging in her gibberish, it was still her happy place to do so, sometimes crying midway through, because the song got to her and/or realized she couldn’t properly sing words no more in that moment …..
Yes, cherish and do try to capture moments if you can ….
-
Daryl…I too am late to reply to your post. Very sorry for your loss and truly happy you were able to find a way to bring some finality to it. I lost my brother this past Christmas and can only thank the Universe for having pulled us together for the last few years of his life. I can’t agree with you more…don’t put off doing something that’s in your heart for a loved one…but if it happens make the best of it..which you did!! Thanks for the inspiration.
-
Sorry for your loss Daryl.
Play your music. They are listening.
Cheers
-
Log in to reply.
